Immature

Do you sometimes find yourself laughing at fart jokes or saying, "Heh-heh...nice," when you see bananas for 69 cents a pound even though you're a whole grown-up person? If so, you may afflicted with a condition known as "selective immaturity," and you're not alone.

In fact, Zac and I both struggle with selective immaturity in our own lives, and the condition has been significantly exacerbated by moving to Denmark.

You see, Denmark is full of triggers for people like us. We find ourselves stifling the laughter constantly in this country. Whether we're at work, playing tourist, perusing the bookstore, going for a drive, sitting in Danish class, or just taking a lovely walk, the  immaturity keeps coming out in full force.

I'll share some examples here.

1. Big DONG energy

The energy boxes in my neighborhood and surrounding area were placed by DONG Energy. In all caps. Big DONG Energy. Guys. C'mon. What are you doing to us?

2. Fart. Fart everywhere.

The Danish word "fart" means "speed" or "pace." When used in conjunction with other words, it can take on more of a "rate," "urgency," or "hurry up." It shows up all over the place. The most obvious one people see are the signs that tell you your speed.

"Your speed"

But "fart" is also included in the name of a bunch of municipalities/cities. We see them on the map. We pass the signs on the way in and out of town. We see the exits off the motorvej.

A normal text from my husband.

Bådfart on the map. Or Baadfart if you can't type the å. It's pronounced BOE-deh-faht, but our American brains don't hear it like that. It's Bad Fart.

...and here's Middelfart.

Oh, but it doesn't stop there. I was walking into the canteen at work one day and saw this Turistfart bus parked outside. Yeah, I stopped in the rain to take a picture, and yeah, people saw me.

Turistfart. [insert Beavis and Butthead-like noises here.]

For a while after we arrived, this book was in the window or on the end-cap of an aisle in all the book stores. Fartblind. Gosh, this stuff is good. (OK, the actual book is about a politician losing his sight because of stress, so that's not amusing, but at first glance, it's very funny to a native English speaker.)

One night in our Module 3.1 Danish class, our teacher asked (in Danish) if any of us had experienced the canal boat tour in Copenhagen. And here's where I tell you that, in Danish, "canal boat tour" is smooshed into one ridiculous word: Kanalrundfart.

So, in Danish, our teacher kept saying, "Har du laver kanalrundfarten? (Have you done the canal boat tour?)" And classmates around the room would have to say, "Ja, jeg har lavet kanalrundfarten. (Yes, I have done the canal boat tour.)" Or he would ask, "Kan du lide kanalrundfarten? Do you like the canal boat tour?)" and people would have to say, "Ja, jeg kan lide kanalrundfarten. (Yes, I like the canal boat tour.)"

When he got to me, I couldn't bear the thought of saying the word "kanalrundfarten" aloud without laughing after just hearing it like 20 times, so I just answered in Danish, "Yes, but I like it better in the summer than the winter." Phew. Close one.

(If you come to Copenhagen though, we'll definitely take you on kanalrundfarten because it's great.)

I don't even know what it translates to most accurately. Speed around the canal?

But let's not forget the phrase "Sænk farten," which means "slow down." Here it is being used in an Instagram advertisement for...I don't know. Gas station cinnamon rolls?

And when they are monitoring our speed on the main road through Birkerød, they put out these signs that look purposefully dented in. They say "Sænk farten bare lidt," which means, "Slow down, just a little." (Denmark warns you when there's a speed trap ahead.)

And then there is a light-up sign we drive past in Hørsholm sometimes. If you drive past it going the speed limit, a big smiley face looks down on you and says, "Good driving!" (Godt kørt!), but if you are going to fast, you get a sad, crying face that says, "Sænk farten!" (Slow down.)

I was reading one of the kids' monthly update blogs from school and saw that they got a new Danish book. And of course, the title is Fart på Dansk.

And you might recall the Danish holiday that takes place on a Thursday from one of my other recent blog posts: Kristi Himmelfartsdag! (It's Ascension Day).

It's very funny to hear my colleagues asking if I'm doing anything for Kristi himmelfarts. Do they know? They speak English. They must understand that this is hilarious stuff.

3. Slut, Slutspurt, and Skank

To be clear, I don't think I've used the words "slut" or "skank" for decades (for many reasons), but Zac and I still get a kick out of seeing it all over the place.

Slutspurt is a favorite.

It means "final sprint," or like a final sale on something before it goes away, so it's often painted in HUGE lettering on store windows or highlighted on racks of shoes.

And on its own, slut means "end," so it comes up on the screen at the end of TV shows and movies.

At work, it's in the batch papers because we record start and end times.

They say it after every listening exercise in Danish to let you know you've reached the end of the dialogue. The whole class usually repeats it. (It's pronounced "sloot," and we all say it as such, but it's still fun.)

And then, while I was perusing the ads, I came across an XXL Skank.

4. Dild...o.

The Danes really like dill, and not surprisingly, the Danish word for dill is dild. But when you combine it with the word for "oil," you get the word "dildo(lie)" in your canteen at lunchtime. 

And then, if you're writing a blog post about it and you want to be sure that you translated "dildolie" correctly as "dill oil," Google translate will get it wrong and make you laugh all over again.

5. Knippelsbro

I guess there's not much more to say about this one. It's just a bridge in Copenhagen, and it lends its name to a bus stop. (Bro is bridge in Danish.)

Zac and I were on the bus to a concert at Loppen. We were sadly gazing at the remains of Børsen, but then we saw the next stop displayed on the screen. We were facing each other, so we each saw it on a different screen at the same time. We made eye contact, smiled, and just said, "I know," or "Yeah," or something like that. We get each other.

* * *

Of the many struggles we've faced as immigrants, none are so challenging as keeping a straight face sometimes. I hope you've enjoyed our immature post, and I will continue to feature other things we find amusing as native English speakers in future posts.

Slut.