Copenhell 2025

Copenhell was very special this year because Nate came all the way from Montana to share the fun with us! Maggie went to visit her sister in England, so we dropped her off at the airport in the morning and then went back to the house to drop off the car, drink some caffeine, and pack our festival bags. (Pro tip: if you ever attend a festival and have a chance to pre-book a locker, DO IT. It's so convenient to have a little box to keep your things in.)

On Day 1, we wanted to take the traditional approach to public transit, but currently, our S-train is being reworked and we have been without our direct route to Copenhagen for quite some time. We had to take a bus up to Kokkedal and then a train down the coast to get into the city this time (and then still, we had to metro to Christianshavn). Last year, we were able to squeeze onto one of the extra "666" busses to "Hell" after we got off the metro, but it was impossible to get on this time. We finally just decided to walk the 40 minutes from Christianshavn station to Refshaleøen. It was a nice walk, though, and we made it safely. We ran into my colleague, Kim, and his wife, Sidsel, immediately at our lockers, and then we didn't see them for days...it's a big place!

We saw Skunk Anansi (super famous British rebel rock), Kittie (Canadian metal band that Zac and Nate remember from 20 years ago), Wormrot (a grind core band from Singapore that Nate was very excited about), and Dizzy Mizz Lizzy (a Danish heavy rock band that a lot of people here love beyond words).

We got merch, ate delicious food, and scoped out the Boneyard (I think we just caught the end of Hard Lessons, a hardcore band from Aalborg, Denmark). We were going to get matching Copenhell symbol tattoos, but we just wanted tiny ones and the cost was pretty outrageous for how ambivalent we felt about our quest, so we chose to save the money for other stuff. Instead, we spent some time watching the Aros Buhurt Club do some knight combat. That was kind of fun. They hit hard!

We were always able to catch a bus boat back to the other side at the end of the evening though, and the rides are so peaceful.

On the second day, we decided to outsmart the people taking busses on wheels and use the busses on water. We went to Nordre Tolbod to catch the bus boat across the canal to Refshaleøen, but sadly, we were at the last boarding point before the festival, so the other Copenhell-bound folks had already gotten on board at prior stops. Ten people got off. Ten got on. We weren't even close to being in that group of ten, and the boat was only running every 20 minutes. At that rate, we figured it would take us like 2.5 more hours just to cross the canal. I came up with a genius plan to rent dott bikes and just cycle to Copenhell! The dott bikes are electric bikes you can rent with an app. There was a parking spot to pick them up really close to us, so we grabbed three and set off, e-biking through the streets of Copenhagen.

I should also say that Zac and I have never been brave enough to cycle in the city. It's scary. And Nate hadn't been on a bike in like 10 years or more. To say that our ride was an adventure would be an understatement. Nate almost ate it once. Zac got to ring his bell at a pedestrian standing cluelessly in the bike lane to take a picture, and let me tell you: The rush I got from being the cyclist instead of the clueless pedestrian was insane. I wasn't even the one who rang the bell, but I rode that high the rest of the trip.

We took too long to get there, so we only saw the last song by Syracusæ (hardcore band from Colombia). It sounded great, and I wish we could've seen the rest of the set. We saw a little bit of Bullet for My Valentine (Welsh metalcore) and then got a good spot for Gloryhammer.

I don't know a lot of the bands that play these metal festivals, as most of my life has been spent listening to not metal, but I absolutely love a band with a fantasy theme. For example, Gloryhammer sings about a fantasy universe where they ride unicorns into battle and fight wizards and have giant hammers and stuff. Plus, the lead singer of Gloryhammer is also the lead singer of Alestorm, and I enjoy Alestorm a lot.

I think most people refer to bands like this as "power metal", which is fine, but I'm going to term it "fantasy metal". This will come up again.

I mean, you can *see* the goblin wielding the saxophone, right?

We also caught some live-band karaoke and the Sweet Sensations burlesque show in the Biergarten. It was short and the floor was sticky (from beer), but it was pretty good for a PG-13 show.

Sorry - you only get a karaoke pic. No burlesque for you.

We saw The Prodigy (hardcore electronic music?). It was like a big rave. Zac went down to be in the big stage-front party and felt like he was getting crushed to death. He was exhausted from jumping around for a few songs, but I think he had a lot of fun. I was a stick-in-the-mud for that one. Nate stayed with me.

Zac's experience.

My experience.

On Day 3, we found another creative tactic to outsmart the public transit system. This time, we took a shot at the bus boat from the other direction. Orientkaj (near Copenhagen International School) goes directly to Refshaleøen, too, so we took a train down, then a metro back up. We did miss the first boat, but it was a really pretty place to wait 20 minutes. We got to watch people fishing and sunbathing in the harbor, we saw cormorants fishing in the water, and we watched a giant crane load shipping containers on a freight boat.

I was pleased that we made it to see Trold (Fantasy Metal band #2, by my description, or dark Danish folk metal by a more technical description). They look like rough and dirty adventurers that sing songs about Nordic fairytales and myths. They bring in special guests to growl and play intricate wooden recorders and freaking accordion!! Have you ever seen an accordion player headbang?

We also made time for Dream Theater, which was supposed to be cool. I think we got a little bored and it was really hot out. Between the heat and my aching feet and my lackluster vibe, I was getting a little annoyed at the person in front of me who was drinking shots with their friends and kept slamming into me. But my attitude changed when they turned around and started chatting with me in Danish. I told her (in Danish) that I still don't understand Danish so well yet, so she translated: "You'll always remember this as the moment some random bitch turned around and gave you a Devil Duck!" I was disappointed in myself for losing sight of the fact that this festival is full of amazing and kind people. None of them are actively trying to annoy anyone, and they're all there for community and music. Devil Duck will be a good reminder of that.

Later, we saw Carcass (death metal from Liverpool). Nate was really stoked to see them, and I was too, but not for the same reason. He wanted to watch the band. I was excited about the opportunity for a F*R*I*E*N*D*S joke.

In "The One with the Cheap Wedding Dress," Monica and Phoebe and Rachel meet a lady named Meagan who is also shopping for dresses. As they're chatting about their weddings...

Meagan Bailey: [after having exchanged information with Monica about their wedding dates and photographer] Oh, who's your band?
Monica Geller: My fiancé wants the Swing Kings.
Meagan Bailey: Oh, you're so lucky. My fiancé wants the heavy metal band, Carcass.
Phoebe Buffay: [excitedly] Oh, is that spelled with a "C" or a "K"? Oh my god, it doesn't matter, they're both great!

So you can imagine this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Nate said he wanted to see Carcass, I jumped in with Phoebe's line, he had no idea what I was talking about, and I didn't care because I knew I was hilarious.

We sat on the hill for Kreator (German thrash metal) for a bit to rest our feet. I'm sad to announce that my roller derby fishnets had to be discarded after Copenhell this year. They've hung on for a really long time, but alas, this festival was too hard on them. They had a good life.

We saw a little bit of Myrkur (Danish black folk metal?), but we didn't stay too long because Nate wasn't that interested and Zac and I saw her at Vega pretty recently. We went over to see Dirty Honey, which was one of the only bands I actually knew about going into the festival this year. Surprise, they are not a metal band (California, classic rock, sound a little like Greta Van Fleet or Led Zeppelin), and they were fun for a little while.

We also got to see Billy Idol! He's still sounding pretty good in his golden years, and he was a high-energy performer. His guitarist is going strong, too, and it was a surprisingly enjoyable show. Plus, it's always fun to hear songs that make you nostalgic, and he played a lot of great ones.

We finished the night with King Diamond (Danish, lead of Merciful Fate, currently lives in...Texas. You might recognize him from Zac's Halloween costumes though.). It was fun to see him live. There's a little of a performance aspect, as his songs are usually kind of story-telling and involve insane asylums and possessed babies and things like that.

On the last day of the festival, we drove the car to Orientkaj instead of taking the train and metro. It was way faster, and I'm convinced it was cheaper, too. We caught our bus-boat on the second try.

We went straight to Castle Rat (the third "Fantasy Metal" band, or doom metal from Brooklyn if you're fancy). Nate was interested, and I was excited because they dress up in costumes. They have the Rat queen, who defends the realm against the Rat Reaperess with the Count, the Plague Doctor, and the Druid (that's the drummer). Anyway, it was a little cheesy at first, but then it was way more fun as the theater aspect came into play. A nice set. Little sunburnt.

When Zac and I were pre-gaming with the Copenhell 2025 Spotify playlist, we heard some songs by Kim Dracula (Australian, avantgarde, apparently got famous on TikTok?) and were kind of intrigued. It was different and we tagged it as a show we'd like to watch. I was not disappointed. It was like Mr. Bungle plus Korn and also, saxophone. (The goblin in Gloryhammer was, surprisingly, not the only saxophonist at Copenhell this year.) I was having a great time, but Zac and Nate wanted to go see In Flames (Swedish death metal) on the big stage, so we parted ways and I danced on the fringe of strangers until Kim and Sidsel showed up. We watched most of the set, but they wanted to go see Yosemite in Black (U.S.A., maybe Chicago?, hippie hardcore). I wasn't sure I'd enjoy it, but that's where they were headed, and it was actually a very fun set.

Zac and Nate found me there. They were excited for Slipknot. I did not grow up on Slipknot, so I know very little of their music, but I went, of course. We saw Corey Taylor last year at Copenhell and it was a good show.

It was fine, but after a short while, Zac and Nate decided they were 20 years younger than they are and ran off to join the mosh pit. I was happy they were getting to relive their youth and I didn't mind staying out of it at all, but after I watched a few songs, I thought, "Why am I at Slipknot alone when I could be a CopenhellCon working on a puzzle with nerdy strangers or dancing to really good rock music in the Biergarten?"

Zac and Nate got separated instantly, but this did not diminish their fun. Neither of them crowd-surfed, but they helped other people. Nate lost his new hat and somehow retrieved it again later, Zac earned the nickname "Icebreaker" since he could cut a line through the crowd for smaller people to follow. Nate touched a urine-soaked butt as it passed over his head. Ahhh, such good times.

I set off on my own. First, I went to the Biergarten. Ditte Krøyer from the Danish band Vulvatorious was DJing but there were only about 10 really drunk people swaying in front of the stage and I stayed for a minute but decided I would really rather get in on the puzzling.

I went over to CopenhellCon, but it was late and they were just closing the gates. No puzzle for me. Womp-womp.

I went back and found Zac as Slipknot started an actual encore (not something that bands do at the festivals very often since there is a tight schedule to keep), and Nate found us shortly after. The band he really wanted to see the most was Blood Incantation (death metal from Colorado). My feet hurt, so I sat on the hill. Zac and Nate left to be up close and personal for the show, so I went to the bathroom, got some chili-feta fries, and relaxed in the grass. The boys had a super fun time, I collected our things from the locker, and then, Copenhell 2025 was over, just like that.

* * *

Things you might not know about Copenhell:

1. It's really hard to find Zac in a crowd. There are a lot of tall bearded guys in black hats and sunglasses.

2. There's something for almost everyone. You saw my note about the puzzle table, right?

There are quiet benches tucked into the forest, GuitarHero competitions, and board games. There are panels for discussion of nerd culture in metal music, you can meet celebrities like Mads Mikkelsen, and you can hang out in a wine bar. There are big-name bands, little raw bands just getting started, and bands that surprise you by being totally awesome even though you've never heard of them.

You can eat organic food, vegan food, gluten-free food, or try entomophagy. You can also get greasy meat, of course. Whatever you want! The food is incredible.

Vegetarian burger made from Danish vegetables.

Cricket carbonara - pasta carbonara with cricket bacon!

You can look at all the art pieces people have made for the festival as you walk around the grounds. There's a beautiful memorial for fallen musicians, sculptures, chalk art, disco skulls...a lot of people put time and effort into creating the vibe.

There's karaoke, burlesque shows, trivia, Viking triathlons, and the opportunity to pluck and cook your own rook. You can also make talismans or jewelry from the talons.

3. They make every effort to take care of people so it's a safe, enjoyable, and clean place to be.

There are water bottle filling stations placed all around the festival and they hand out free sunscreen in case you forget yours. There are also reminders everywhere to "drink water or else you'll die." It's on the fence covers, the water bottles you can purchase, and even on the merchandise!

There's a pharmacy, a first-aid station, and a psychiatric help station. You also get email reminders and see signs everywhere to remind you to take care of each other. A very drunk person walking alone tripped on a tree branch and fell, and everyone rushed to him to help him up and make sure he was OK and back on his way to somewhere safe. No one laughs at people or ignores them when they need help. They even had researchers from the university there trying a new nasal hangover cure on willing participants!

There are ample toilet facilities. You're always close to one and they're so clean! Most of them even have a personal sink and the soap is almost always plentiful. If there isn't an individual sink in your toilet, there is a large handwashing trough outside. Again, almost always with soap. You have to air-dry though, because all those paper towels would be a huge mess and bad for the environment.

For the menfolk, there are urinals, or pissoirs literally everywhere. The bathrooms are plentiful, but the pissoirs are a dime a dozen. They're in the parking lot, near the bus stop, and all over the festival grounds. There are lines of them zip-tied to the fences around the grassy hill, and the point is to encourage the guys to offload their beer in an orderly and monitored location instead of peeing everywhere and anywhere. (Despite all the urinals surrounding me, I still watched one guy during Blood Incantation just come over to the bottom of the hill and pee at the base of the garbage cans. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him use the urinal.)